Our Chemical Pregnancy
Well, I'm uttering the words I never thought I'd say. We have just experienced a chemical pregnancy. It sucks. This is how it all went down.
We were in Colorado for our two year wedding anniversary and had the most amazing time. Towards the end of our trip I started feeling off. I'd get nauseous and headaches, insane hot flashes, I was drinking water like I was in the desert... Not to mention I ate part of a hard boiled egg in my salad at dinner one night and about died. Anyway,that night we had actually went to see a psychic. Yes, I'm sure some of you just rolled your eyes. It was for fun and I was taking everything she said with a grain of salt. I kid you not though... The first thing she said to me when we walked in was, "Are you pregnant?!" I replied with, "Not that I know of!" She then said that I'd be pregnant this year. She could see that. Well, two days later I was home and decided to take a pregnancy test. I was prescribed 100mg of progesterone so I have to know if I'm pregnant or not so I can decide to stop taking it because if it's the correct dosage it'll delay your period. I couldn't believe my eyes... at 11dpo I had a faint but visible line on my pregnancy test! I immediately ran to my husband (good luck at me telling him a cute way in the future) and showed him the test. He could see the line too! I wasn't crazy (on that front at least). I didn't have to go to work that day but I just didn't know what to do with myself. Of course, google was visited about a 24,324,264 times. My estimated due date would be April 1st. I'd find out the gender right after I got back from the Food & Wine Festival in October and right before my big sister's wedding. It just seemed perfect. Well, I proceeded to talk to my mom and sisters about it and I was cautiously excited. Something just didn't feel right about it though. I mean... I just had a feeling it wouldn't stick around. The next morning I reluctantly took another test and it was barely positive, if not negative. I was crushed... I called my doctor and they told me to come in for a blood test to confirm if I was having a chemical pregnancy or not. I knew it was happening. This ball of cells would never become a baby. I would never hold it in my arms and I'd never sing it to sleep. At 5:15 PM I started bleeding and that was the final straw. It was official for me. I started my grieving process. I was angry. I felt so bad for my coworker Joe. I'm so lucky I can confide in him and he's not scared off because I was just angry. As soon as I got into my car and heard my husband's voice on the phone I lost it. I was trying to hold back the tears. I could feel the pain in my throat and finally just had to let it out. Immediately I felt better. We went and hung out with a few of our best friends and I had fun. I was feeling better. I woke up in the middle of the night with some pretty intense cramps. I immediately grabbed my heating pad and asked my sweet husband to get me some midol. I also let my manager know I'd be coming in late today. She knew what was going on and she understood luckily. I was able to collect myself and just relax and come to terms with this cycle.
Overall, this whole experience has been a roller coaster. I felt immense joy, worry, and then loss. Just because you have a chemical pregnancy doesn't mean you aren't allowed to grieve. You were still pregnant, you just lost it very early on. For me, it was 4 weeks and 1 day. Anything before 5 weeks is considered a chemical pregnancy aka a very early miscarriage. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because they are wrong. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be angry. Get those emotions out and move on. If you want to look for a silver lining, do it. I sure am. This is the first time I've ever had a positive pregnancy test which means we can get pregnant. So, at least I'll have that confidence going forward. There's also an old wive's tale that says you're extra fertile after a chemical pregnancy so I'm hoping that rings true for us.
I have a few decisions to make now. My OBGYN just referred me to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Apparently, I want more from them than they can give me so they felt it would be better to see the RE from now on. I'm fine with that. It'll be nice to go to an expert and my insurance covers it. He'll probably want me to get an HSG (get my tubes cleaned out and check to see if they're blocked)and I really don't know if I want to have that done at the moment. I really want to just try having a higher dose of progesterone because I really feel like that's the key. Hopefully, the RE's office will call me back soon so I can know what I should do this cycle. Anyway, there is my story of my chemical pregnancy and the aftermath. I know I said I'd upload my video blogs soon and I have two recorded, just not edited yet. It's been a busy couple of weeks, but I'll get it done this weekend if not before.
Have a great day, everyone!
Peace, Love, and Baby Dust
We were in Colorado for our two year wedding anniversary and had the most amazing time. Towards the end of our trip I started feeling off. I'd get nauseous and headaches, insane hot flashes, I was drinking water like I was in the desert... Not to mention I ate part of a hard boiled egg in my salad at dinner one night and about died. Anyway,that night we had actually went to see a psychic. Yes, I'm sure some of you just rolled your eyes. It was for fun and I was taking everything she said with a grain of salt. I kid you not though... The first thing she said to me when we walked in was, "Are you pregnant?!" I replied with, "Not that I know of!" She then said that I'd be pregnant this year. She could see that. Well, two days later I was home and decided to take a pregnancy test. I was prescribed 100mg of progesterone so I have to know if I'm pregnant or not so I can decide to stop taking it because if it's the correct dosage it'll delay your period. I couldn't believe my eyes... at 11dpo I had a faint but visible line on my pregnancy test! I immediately ran to my husband (good luck at me telling him a cute way in the future) and showed him the test. He could see the line too! I wasn't crazy (on that front at least). I didn't have to go to work that day but I just didn't know what to do with myself. Of course, google was visited about a 24,324,264 times. My estimated due date would be April 1st. I'd find out the gender right after I got back from the Food & Wine Festival in October and right before my big sister's wedding. It just seemed perfect. Well, I proceeded to talk to my mom and sisters about it and I was cautiously excited. Something just didn't feel right about it though. I mean... I just had a feeling it wouldn't stick around. The next morning I reluctantly took another test and it was barely positive, if not negative. I was crushed... I called my doctor and they told me to come in for a blood test to confirm if I was having a chemical pregnancy or not. I knew it was happening. This ball of cells would never become a baby. I would never hold it in my arms and I'd never sing it to sleep. At 5:15 PM I started bleeding and that was the final straw. It was official for me. I started my grieving process. I was angry. I felt so bad for my coworker Joe. I'm so lucky I can confide in him and he's not scared off because I was just angry. As soon as I got into my car and heard my husband's voice on the phone I lost it. I was trying to hold back the tears. I could feel the pain in my throat and finally just had to let it out. Immediately I felt better. We went and hung out with a few of our best friends and I had fun. I was feeling better. I woke up in the middle of the night with some pretty intense cramps. I immediately grabbed my heating pad and asked my sweet husband to get me some midol. I also let my manager know I'd be coming in late today. She knew what was going on and she understood luckily. I was able to collect myself and just relax and come to terms with this cycle.
Overall, this whole experience has been a roller coaster. I felt immense joy, worry, and then loss. Just because you have a chemical pregnancy doesn't mean you aren't allowed to grieve. You were still pregnant, you just lost it very early on. For me, it was 4 weeks and 1 day. Anything before 5 weeks is considered a chemical pregnancy aka a very early miscarriage. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because they are wrong. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be angry. Get those emotions out and move on. If you want to look for a silver lining, do it. I sure am. This is the first time I've ever had a positive pregnancy test which means we can get pregnant. So, at least I'll have that confidence going forward. There's also an old wive's tale that says you're extra fertile after a chemical pregnancy so I'm hoping that rings true for us.
I have a few decisions to make now. My OBGYN just referred me to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Apparently, I want more from them than they can give me so they felt it would be better to see the RE from now on. I'm fine with that. It'll be nice to go to an expert and my insurance covers it. He'll probably want me to get an HSG (get my tubes cleaned out and check to see if they're blocked)and I really don't know if I want to have that done at the moment. I really want to just try having a higher dose of progesterone because I really feel like that's the key. Hopefully, the RE's office will call me back soon so I can know what I should do this cycle. Anyway, there is my story of my chemical pregnancy and the aftermath. I know I said I'd upload my video blogs soon and I have two recorded, just not edited yet. It's been a busy couple of weeks, but I'll get it done this weekend if not before.
Have a great day, everyone!
Peace, Love, and Baby Dust
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