Take it with a grain of salt
The journey one goes on when trying to conceive is a difficult one. I've studied all the books, charted like a mad woman for a year prior, and BD'd every time we were supposed to in order to get pregnant. Well, on my first cycle of TTC we failed. We did everything right but we didn't get pregnant. For those who have embarked on this journey, you know that your body plays many tricks on you when it comes to getting symptoms and such. I had my first ever triphasic chart not to mention a sore throat and low grade fever, both of which can be pregnancy symptoms (or as a normal person would call it.. just a sore throat and low grade fever). Well, I ended up being three days late when AF finally came. I had very regular cycles, so when I was late I let myself believe I was pregnant. It was just too early for a positive pregnancy test.
December 23rd, my temperature dropped, along with my heart. When my temperature drops that normally means AF will be visiting me that day, starting a brand new cycle. Throughout the day I was waiting... and waiting... and waiting... I started grasping at straws. Maybe I'm still pregnant and the night sweats I had last night caused my temperature to drop! Maybe because of the colder weather my temperature was lower! No. At 4:45 PM, my period came. I have to tell you. I was CRUSHED. I went back into my office, kleenex in hand trying to hide the silent tears rushing down my face. How could this happen? We did everything right! I prepared for a year to make sure we knew how to do everything! Even though the odds are only twenty percent every cycle for a perfectly healthy couple who did everything right, I thought we'd be that lucky one. We weren't.
I started the drive to my parents' house after work. My sisters and I were meeting up to do our annual Christmas Family video. As soon as I turned into my parents neighborhood, Carrie Underwood's "Mama's Song" came on the radio and I lost it. I even recall yelling at myself, "Crying isn't going to do anything! Stop it!" After a night full of laughter and wine with my sisters, I realized that everything was going to be okay. So, our first attempt failed. So what? That just leaves more fun for us, right?
I've decided that cycle was kind of a wake up call. I'm the type of person who isn't used to failure. So, of course I'm taking all the blame of it not happening last cycle. But, I'm also taking it with a grain of salt. This cycle brought into perspective that I haven't been as healthy as I should have been. I'm making some changes this cycle which include starting a new exercise program (P90X3), eating healthier, and drinking more water! I'm also making a huge change to my daily chart "chore" as my husband called it. I'm only going to temp up until I confirm ovulation (if even that) and then I'll stop. Though, I am considering not even temping this cycle. It would be hard to break the habit but I know I was putting too much stress on myself last cycle when I was. I was even afraid of sleeping in certain positions because I thought it would affect my basal body temperature. Ridiculous, right? My husband and I are so excited to start a family and now that the first failure is out of the way, I actually feel relieved. Hard to believe but it's true. So, feel free to join along on my journey and comment if you have experienced something similar or have any advice or questions for me! We're all in this together after all!
December 23rd, my temperature dropped, along with my heart. When my temperature drops that normally means AF will be visiting me that day, starting a brand new cycle. Throughout the day I was waiting... and waiting... and waiting... I started grasping at straws. Maybe I'm still pregnant and the night sweats I had last night caused my temperature to drop! Maybe because of the colder weather my temperature was lower! No. At 4:45 PM, my period came. I have to tell you. I was CRUSHED. I went back into my office, kleenex in hand trying to hide the silent tears rushing down my face. How could this happen? We did everything right! I prepared for a year to make sure we knew how to do everything! Even though the odds are only twenty percent every cycle for a perfectly healthy couple who did everything right, I thought we'd be that lucky one. We weren't.
I started the drive to my parents' house after work. My sisters and I were meeting up to do our annual Christmas Family video. As soon as I turned into my parents neighborhood, Carrie Underwood's "Mama's Song" came on the radio and I lost it. I even recall yelling at myself, "Crying isn't going to do anything! Stop it!" After a night full of laughter and wine with my sisters, I realized that everything was going to be okay. So, our first attempt failed. So what? That just leaves more fun for us, right?
I've decided that cycle was kind of a wake up call. I'm the type of person who isn't used to failure. So, of course I'm taking all the blame of it not happening last cycle. But, I'm also taking it with a grain of salt. This cycle brought into perspective that I haven't been as healthy as I should have been. I'm making some changes this cycle which include starting a new exercise program (P90X3), eating healthier, and drinking more water! I'm also making a huge change to my daily chart "chore" as my husband called it. I'm only going to temp up until I confirm ovulation (if even that) and then I'll stop. Though, I am considering not even temping this cycle. It would be hard to break the habit but I know I was putting too much stress on myself last cycle when I was. I was even afraid of sleeping in certain positions because I thought it would affect my basal body temperature. Ridiculous, right? My husband and I are so excited to start a family and now that the first failure is out of the way, I actually feel relieved. Hard to believe but it's true. So, feel free to join along on my journey and comment if you have experienced something similar or have any advice or questions for me! We're all in this together after all!
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