Witch With a Capital B

It's been awhile since I posted on here but today I felt the urge to write. I started an email for my almost-two year old son a few weeks before his first birthday. I was reading through the emails I sent him and came across two emails telling him he was going to be a big brother and two emails telling him we'd lost both babies. It's a weird feeling going back to those moments. They feel so long ago even though they really weren't. We were lucky to find out we were pregnant again last week on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. As weird as it sounds, it is perfect. We found out on a day that was dedicated to a man who had a dream. Granted, his dream was a little different than mine but the sentiment is the same. We are also due the month of Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness which is pretty special. What is strange is you'd think I'd be terrified! While I am scared I've also realized that stressing over everything isn't going to help anything. I'm just going to face my fear and enjoy this pregnancy. Every single day of it until they decide to grace us with their presence in September or October. Our little pumpkin or candy corn or "witch with a capital B" as my husband joked is a miracle no matter what. I even allowed myself to buy not one but two items for our sweet baby. I bought a neutral baby blanket, the same material as Reilly's, that says "Mommy Loves You". I also came across a beautiful framed print at Hobby Lobby yesterday while buying glitter for my Etsy shop that said "You are everything I never knew I wanted". I took that home and Reilly and I hung it on the wall in the nursery that this baby WILL sleep in. We sat in there and just enjoyed the room and the memories it is going to hold. Strangely, I felt extremely at peace in there. It almost felt as if we weren't alone... Almost as if two little angels were there with us. The day after I found out and I saw the test line grow darker I was messaging one of my best friends who I met in my April 2015 Pregnancy group on Facebook. On my way to work the song "Rainbow Connection" came on. After that, I opened up my makeup bag and somehow a pumpkin earring had made it's way to the top of my makeup and was just sitting there smiling at me. I honestly didn't even know that earring was in there. I was in awe. Some call this a coincidence. I'm not one of those people. I look for meaning in everything. Sometimes I don't see anything. Sometimes it hits me like an old lady with a purse full of bricks. This was one of those times.

I decided not to hide the pregnancy from my family this time. I figured hiding it doesn't do any good. I want to celebrate this teeny tiny little life growing inside me. I want it to know how many people are so excited to meet it and are praying that everything goes smoothly as it grows. Every cramp or twinge sends a smile to my face. I feel you, baby. I definitely feel you. Ouch! Yep, felt that too! It's fun to look at the bloat and daydream about how that'll be my actual stomach here in not too long! It's amazing how something so small can leave such a big imprint on your life. I've only known about this baby for a little over a week and already I'm in love. I sleep with that baby blanket every night... You know with my two other blankets because let's be honest... a baby blanket isn't going to cover me up. Knowing you're growing a life is a huge responsibility. God really trusted me to do this? What a neat feeling. I feel like I may be writing here more often. I wrote a lot during my pregnancy with Reilly. I had a little journal I kept. I may need to start that up again as it's always really fun to look back on. So, here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy with this little babe.